The minute you start paying those taxes, that it, there’s no going back. You’ve officially hit adulthood. Ok kidding but don’t you wish it was that simple? Other phases of growing up are so easily defined like adolescence is during the teen years. But after that there’s this weird almost adult phase where you’re not really an adult but you kind of are at the same time. So where does the transition happen and how do you know once it has? I’ve compiled a list (you’re welcome) of sad, boring things (you’re welcome) that if you catch yourself doing (you’re welcome), you can be sure you’ve at least knocked on the door of adulthood and have been invited in (you’re welcome).
You’re relying on coasters with your life: You find yourself buying coasters (God forbid) or asking for coasters at a friend’s place so you can put your glass down. Even worse, you think other people are crazy for not using them. It’s not just coasters though, it’s all this other stuff that you didn’t use or think you needed that you’re stocking up on for no reason other than you think its amazingly useful now. Another example could be boxes, multiple boxes, boxes for everything and in every colour and size to store different categories of belongings.
You can cook for people you’ve had over without burning anything: You suddenly have this urge to have people over and clean up for them and prepare for a whole day when they’re literally just coming over for a few hours, all the while not burning anything. You’ve also managed to make everything match because when you shop you buy things in sets now.
You know how to remove specific stains from clothes: Remember your mom reminding you not to drop ketchup on your fancy outfits because it stains? Well if that’s you now, good luck, everyone hates you because you care so much about cleaning and nothing has even happened yet. Additionally, if you magically know how to remove stains others have caused without having to do any research you’re also a mother.
You’ve never used ‘adult’ as a verb or #adulting online: Let’s get real, no actual adult does this or knows what a hashtag is. If you need help with doing simple tasks on a phone/ laptop/ ipad, that counts too.
You laugh at dad jokes: Everything your dad or any dad says is now the funniest thing in the world to you. You also have probably made some dad jokes yourself by this point and again, everyone hates you.
Loud music is just noise to you: Doesn’t matter if its night or day, loud music just makes you rage. Why does it have to be so loud? Also, if you’re out clubbing and you miss your bed or are thinking about work you could better spend this time doing, you’re an adult. You suddenly don’t understand any song lyrics. Why is there so much swearing?
You refuse to see the doctor when you’re sick but when someone else is sick you urge them to go: You find a thousand different reasons behind the illness and think you’re a real trooper for going through so much but refuse to make your life easier by seeing a doctor. Why put all the effort when it’ll go away in a few days, on its own? You also suddenly believe in natural healers and home remedies which you know by heart because you’re an adult.
You have a job: Having a steady income and being able to hate on your job and co-workers (even if you don’t actually hate them) and then not doing anything about it makes you a very successful adult. You don’t even need an actual reason to do it, just the fact that you’ve got co-workers and a job gives you all the permission in the world but only as long as you take no further action.
You care about politics (and Donald Trump doesn’t count): If you can hold a conversation about politics with actual adults for more than 15 minutes then congrats, you’re boring as hell and you might even be an old person.
You catch yourself thinking of occasions in the past that you thought were taking over your life as exaggerations: You now feel like you’ve been through so much in your very few years of living and can conquer anything. Even though this is a good attitude to have, you cannot actual conquer anything, keep an actual adult nearby for advice. Refrain from being that adult for other people because you now falsely believe you can give others advice.
Although you might perfectly relate to some or all of these points, are you really an adult? Is anyone really an adult? Is adulthood even a thing? Isn’t it just a free pass to do whatever you want while behaving like there are no consequences because there’s no one yelling at you or disciplining you? Isn’t it just the freedom to do all the things your child-self felt like you would do once you grew up because no one could stop you? Some of the most famous comic characters are an example of this Homer Simpson (The Simpsons), Thompson and Thompson (Tintin), Michel Scott (The Office), Jake Peralta (Brooklyn Nine-Nine) and of course April and Andy (Parks and Recreation). So even if you disagree with me and think that adulthood is in fact a thing, fret not, there’s still hope for adults as long as you stay stubborn and never grow up, without the Peter Pan Syndrome though.